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I Think About Killing Myself Every Day and That’s Okay
Thoughts of suicide do not make one suicidal
The first thought in my head virtually every morning I wake up is, “I should just kill myself.”
It’s been this way for years. Ever since I was a teenager, I have struggled with getting myself motivated to start my day. I’ve never been much of a morning person. I’ve never been much of a people person. And generally, I have come to terms with the fact that this existence is meaningless, and the pursuit of income through a daily grind of a career for some soulless corporation does little to add depth to my life.
I don’t believe in God. I don’t believe in the afterlife. I’m not sure what happens when we die, but I’m fairly certain the fairy tales we have told ourselves to try and assuage the fear of mortality are nothing more than fiction. So, there’s no meaning to be found in religion either. If anything, I look at death as just a giant recycling machine, a system that takes all the matter and energy in use and redistributes it throughout the universe once it has reached its current path’s end.
Despite all of this, I’m not what one would call suicidal. I’m not actually going to kill myself, even though I think about it often. At least not right now. I’ve been alive forty-two years so far, and I can think…
