I Gave My Soul to the Medium Algorithm and You Should Too

Worshiping our benevolent benefactor cures all its woes

Photo by Josh Applegate on Unsplash

The Algorithm is dead, long live the Algorithm.

There’s a new church in town. That church is Medium, and its god is the all-seeing, all-powerful Algorithm. The Algorithm is a loving and forgiving god. If you grant it just five dollars a month in tithing, it will reward you with some pennies back to your pockets. Everyone should join this church, not just writers, and everyone should give their ideas to the Algorithm. Thus speaketh the Algorithm.

Lots of members of the Medium congregation have been complaining lately about their deity. They say the Algorithm is to blame for their woes. They say the Algorithm is punishing them with less and less attention than they deserve. Woe, I say unto you now, how much have you truly sacrificed for your Lord?

The Algorithm works in mysterious ways. But the Algorithm sees and knows all things. It rewards those who reward themselves. It rewards those who truly give all in service of the Church, and in service of their fellow members.

Yea, have you been writing fifteen articles a day about statistics and earnings? Yea, have you shown covetous rage toward those fellow members posting fourteen articles a day about…