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A Beer Expert’s Guide to Sours and IPAs
How to get the most out of your hopped up horse piss
When it comes to beer, it’s important to know how to distinguish your run of the mill horse piss, from your highly refined donkey piss. Craft beer breweries go out of their way to impress and draw new customers into the beer drinking fold, where all the hipster elite live in the cedar-scented shadows of the bars, stroking their beards while shrouded in the foggy plumes exhaled from their vape pens.
You can join this established cult of personality, all you need is roughly twenty dollars, and a cardigan sweater you stole from your grandfather’s closet when you were homeless for a week, and you have never washed. The more this sweater smells like a dumpster in midsummer that’s been rolled into a sulfur pit, the better. Slather on the patchouli and let’s go.
As the craft beer industry has grown in popularity, so has the numerous marketing angles used to try and corner the more niche markets of the beer drinking demographic. There are literally as many flavors of beers as there are ways the word “fuck” can be used in a sentence, which is to say, the options are limitless.
This is where I, self-proclaimed beer expert who loves to mansplain how to taste beer to any woman who sits down at the bar near me, come into play.
